Punks at the Bus Stop.

I have seen several boys reach the point in their lives where they want to be young men. There are many virtues in this time of life, many things to celebrate, and a great deal of life to look forward to.

Unfortunately, there seems to be a propensity to emulate those parts of manhood that they are discouraged or outright forbidden to express.

The reasons certain behavior are discouraged or forbidden are obvious. They are generally disrespectful, rude, or even dangerous to others (and to the man himself). We (most of us) tell our children not to drink, smoke, or do drugs. We tell them not to cuss, get ahead of themselves physically (whether by athletic or intimate standards), or to dress stupidly.

We do tell them to behave, strive, challenge themselves, be good at school (their pale imitation of work that is later to come), be smart with money, choose friends wisely, and to slow down and enjoy life instead of rushing to the expected climaxes.

Yet they are not treated as adults. For one simple, clear, reasonable, logical, and terribly frustrating (for youth) reason. They're not adults. They're going to be, and we have precious little time to teach them before they go out on their own and assume legal responsibility for themselves.

So while they try (with varying degrees of effort and success) to strive, be good, and all whatever else their nagging parents said (skating carefully past the more important things on the do and don't lists), they figure the missing link, the way to be a man (or an adult, for the "ladies" growing up now show more bold and shocking behavior than would have been expected before, and are losing their chance at blanket distinction) is to do those things we reserve for ourselves. That if they can master those things, they are adult.

Where in here do I condemn the behavior of adults? I don't. We're adults. It's tough to be an adult all the time, to work hard whether at a remote location or within the home we have. It's draining, effort-packed, often dreary work. There are few compensations. Many of which fall on the "adult" list. Adults need to cut loose once in a while in order to avoid being homicidal maniacs (and even then we don't always succeed, for details see the abysmal coverage on your news outlet of choice).

What youth refuses to understand (and adults must continue to strive to relate this point) is that those things on the "adult list" are earned, and that pursuing those things on the discouraged/forbidden list is much like any other indulgence: it must be paid for. We adults pay for those indulgences with our hard work, effort, and behavior.

Side note: this is one of the reasons we detest those adults who do not pay for their indulgences. Another post for another time.

We parents are not infallible. We often do under-reward youth. We must walk a careful line between protection and oppression and we often stomp confidently across it. We also cuss, drink, stay up late, eat the wrong foods, and watch or listen to the wrong entertainment. This is not good behavior and it does not mean we are adults, nor does it mean we are going to be treated like adults or considered adult by others. This is not the part to emulate. We also have money to spend on our toys, time to choose what we want to do, and partners with which to be intimate (hopefully). These are things we have earned and continue to pay for with our "blood, sweat, and tears".

Message to youth (though you may not be capable of comprehending it, I will continue to try): if you want the things we have, you must do the work we do. If you are not capable of doing the work, there is good reason you cannot have the things. Trying to take them out of turn will earn you the same kind of treatment we reserve for each other when things are taken out of turn. Also, don't emulate the worst in us and expect to be treated like the best of us.